Why Do I Keep Doing This?

When I say “this,” I’m referring to blogging. I can’t even say the number of abandoned blogs I have accumulated under different email addresses and usernames over the years. I start a blog, get really excited and a little embarrassed, and then abandon it for one of any number of reasons.

It’s too much work.

I’m too busy.

I feel self-conscious.

Sending words into the gaping void maw of the Internet starts to feel a little futile at times.

Whatever the reason, they end up fading out or getting deleted or forgotten about. Without fail, though, a few months down the line, I’ll be doing some mundane act of daily living and think,

“I should write a blog.”

Today, that was me and the dishes. Rather than start up a brand-new, shiny blog with a new username and new purpose, I’m putting more work into this one. Why? So far it’s the most authentic one I’ve written and I like the format. 

Despite all the above reasons for not having a blog, I have decided to try it again. Despite all the snarking I do about the ubiquitous blogs of 20-somethings trying to sort out their lives online through blogging, I am still attracted to the notion deep down. I have always wanted to be a writer. When I was younger, that meant writing half-finished stories while perched high in a tree (all my favorite book characters  found great solace and inspiration in trees… it struck me as highly romantic and artistic.) Then came the stacks of journals scribbled with awkward pubescent poems that I carried through high school. I still journal, of course, but I like to think that there is a greater maturity to what I write now. I’m addicted to it, at least a little. I love the artistry of the written word, and that love is (hopefully) going to be enough to power me through the fear of seeming self-absorbed, vapid, or any other negative word that I have attributed to blogging in the past.

So here we go- trying again. I am humbled, and resolving to do better. We’ll see where this goes!

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